i was running and the heavy rain came and i got stuck at Expo. it made me feel so emotional all of a sudden and this song played. how i wish i can have to courage to say all these. Aust in 2 days.. gonna miss u....

about church

for those who are really concerned, the answer is yes. Yes i do have some issues with the church and that's wat's stopping me from committing back for now.. I've been contemplating whether to post something like that for a long long day.. I just wanna say i pity the founder and pioneers of this great church.. With all the right motives and dreams from God they build they church from scratch, only to have the church's reputation destroyed by people who played little part in bringing the great church to where it is today.. Let's not talk about the snobbish attitudes that some certain high ranking leaders have.. Let's start with the most basic.. I'm about to start to doubt the sincerity of certain 'good' friends whom i have over the 7-8 years in this place.. People who come and tell me to join their cell and tell me how much they're concerned about me and my life.. To put it across in a not very nice and spiritual manner, everybody knows how to talk but there's just so much words can do.. There's always a reason why people decide to leave and wat makes you think that just a conversation over msn is enough to convince the person to come back.. If it's really so easy then i wont leave at the first place.. If you think being in church, or the limelight that you receive as a leader makes you all spiritual and on fire and puts you in a superior position then others then i'm very sorry you're wrong.. I read a book that accurately portray wat i wan to say.. It says When i'm in a dark tunnel, i want to be with people who love me, and walk with me, not stand outside and tell me how to walk out.. Dun get me wrong i'm perfectly fine with the church.. In fact i love the senior pastor and his teachings.. But it's black sheep like these people who created controversies for people outside to talk about.. It seriously helps more to be genuine and let the words of your mouth match the words of your heart.. Dun say you love until you really loved and only actions can show you love.. Controversies start from rumors and rumors always start from individuals.. People love to say that there is no perfect church or no perfect members, but dun let that be an excuse of not doing the right thing..
Having said all that, i muz say that i still love this church.. Simply bcoz God is in this church.. Been visiting a few places and there's nowhere like this church.. There are really sincere people around, some been with me since i stepped in years ago, you know who you are.. I'll stick around still bcoz despite all these stuff i've complain about, there still no place like chc and no one else can replace the God shaped void in my heart..

Resolution of The Year

i remember at the start of the year i said i wanted to do something in 2009.. i've been training for the something for since the start of the year faithfully although there are times where i slack off abit but i dare to say that i've been consistent till this point in time.. this sunday is 1/2 of the something organized by my company but i cant go because i am on course and i got grading on monday so i cant strain my body too much.. kind of disappointed as this sunday will be a good gauge of how i will fare for the real something in dec.. but anyway today i took the big step and sign up for the real something and it is PAID & CONFIRMED!!




here i come, my number 1 resolution 2009! i wanna be a finisher! everyone say with me: DAVE CAN FINISH!

RESTART

i wish i could depress the RESTART button and everything goes back to the beginning..

this is not as easy as i think it would be.. Honestly i think trusting God would have been an easier choice.. But the decision have been made..

Why did i do wat i did.. Being in a vicious cycle of troubles and trials really made me very tired out over this few years.. One problem not settle, another come to haunt me.. "All things work for the good" sadly doesn't apply in my life.. Say i'm without determination, call me immature i dun care.. I need to step out of the cycle and see things in a rational perspective.. I want to try something different, since wat i have been doing dun seem to work, Why not.. I need the breakthrough bcoz the weight of the family is on my shoulders, and i cant be insane to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result..

Work sucks seriously.. I love the career but i hate the job.. It really sucks life out of me and i need a break from all the routine.. Routines that i do wkly just bcoz it is only right to be doing them bcoz of who i am and wat i believe.. I need to find that original purpose of doing it.. Thus i promise myself never to be a hypocrite.. Never do it unless i am fully convinced of it's purpose again..

I'm sorry to those who believed, and those who look up to me for what i believed.. The soldier need time and needs a clear mind, a new sense of purpose before he can fight again.. I apologise for those whom i've hurt in the process of making this decision.. If you still have trust for me, trust me..

soldier no more..

the soldier could not find the much-needed courage and boldness to speak at the most crucial moment..

The wounded soldier could not fight for wat matters most anymore..

The tired soldier could not push on anymore..

Somebody pls tell me why am i hanging on..

passion

i came across a quote today in my surprise bus ride back from camp.. i take bus ok.. it is an achievement.. but anyway.. Inspiration from TVMobile says this:

After you found your calling, you work easily, you never get tired..

this makes me think alot...